No Seatbelt Song
by Dawnandspike4eva
Summary: I know if he had his soul that he would love me. So this is the closest to love a soulless vampire can feel. Need. And he is inside my veins. Because that's as close as he can get. Leaving bruises in his wake.


_  
So, it's sad this doesn't suit you now.  
And me fresh out of rope..._

I can never find where to go from here. Because I love him. I need him. This truthfully isn't enough for me doesn't suit me. I wish I could end it all. But I don't have the guts. Those things wretched inside of my. My insides I wish I could tear them out. Because then nothing would hurt. Nothing would cause me this kind of pain. This hurt. Just want to end it.

_  
Please ignore this lisp, I never meant to sound like this.  
So take me and break me and make me strong like you. I'll be forever grateful to this and you._

I can speak when he looks at me with those lust-filled eyes. I just want to be with him. Want to smell like him. That smell of liquor and cigarettes. But on him it's not the same. It's delicious and delectable. I want him almost all of the time. He breaks me every second he is with me. Tears me apart, in the best way possible. Although it hurts. He wants to make me strong, strong like him. Because he is the epitome of strength. Power. But I love him. Adore him. Beyond all belief. Beyond rationality. Because he is perfect. My hero. I will always be grateful to every little thing he gives to me. Whether or not I deserve it or not. But he wants to break me. And he is breaking me.

_  
It's only you, beautiful.  
Or I don't want anyone.  
If I can choose it's only you._

And he knows how much I need him. He is so perfect. So beautiful. If you could call Spike that. With those baby blue eyes and almost white blond hair. Something about him is beyond perfection. Its irrational really. And I know that if I can't have him I will never have anyone else. Because I love him. He is my one and only. I don't want to forget his touch. Don't want to lose that feeling. I don't want anyone else.

_  
Fix me to a chain around your neck and wear me like a nickel.  
Even new wine served in old skins cheapens the taste.  
I shot the pilot, now I'm begging you to fly this for me._

He is my curse really. Because I am his pet. His to do with what he pleases. I have given him my heart and he can wear it on his sleeve, wear it in a chain. Or smash it bits on the ground. I only pray he doesn't. Only pray. He is my guide. I will follow where ever he leads. It's sad really. Because he knows it just as well as I do. Knows I will follow him. Knows I will do whatever he pleases. Knows and uses that to his advantage.

_  
I'm here for you to use, broken and bruised.  
Do you understand?  
It's only you, beautiful.  
Or don't want anyone.  
If I can choose, it's only you._

And so I am becoming broken. Just a broken toy. Bruised and covered in pointless scars. Once he had marked me with. So that they all know I am his. And I am his to use. And he uses me. Knows I will come to his crypt any time of the night he wishes. Knows I am his. Uses me like Buffy used him. Uses me so I don't realize what he's doing. But I do now. Know he's using me. But I need him. There is no one else for me. Only Spike, it's only him. I find some sick comfort in the fact that I know he wont set me free, that he will always use me. Forever.

_  
But how could I miscalculate... perfect eyes will have perfect aim.  
If I can choose, it's only you._

Those eyes. Piercing blue oracles. Once that control my every move. My every existence. Anything he wants. Perfect eyes. And they shot for me. Found me. Because they knew I would follow him, give him everything. All of what I have. Because it's only him.

_  
"We're wrecking" and I'm dry like a drum...when you scream  
so fine I'll leave... we're spent... we've got time and trials...  
measured in miles... we slave for days (and weeks)._

He's tearing me apart. I'm wrecked. A dry well that tears can no longer fall from. Because it's run dry. He loved to hear me scream, his name, or just to hear me scream. Like before when he killed girls my age. Now he just wants to hear the screaming. And I can't leave. Can't leave. Uses me past the point until I'm spent. Out of breathing. Breathing breathless. This torment never. Ends. No day is free from it. No hour, minute, second. Never free.

_  
It's only you, beautiful.  
Or I don't want anyone.  
If I can choose. It's only you. But how could I miscalculate... perfect lies from a perfect dame._

He knows this will never end. The scoobies all know. And they hate me. All of them. Even my sister. Because she knows that I wont give up this painful addiction. I can't. That's the only thing they can't understand. But I will lie. At least I can try. Tell them that I have given up on him. Because I know it's wrong. But they'll just find out again. Every time I lie they discover the truth. They believe the lie but Spike tells them the truth. Only to keep me closer to him. Closer. Never closer enough. Wants inside my veins. And I feel the same about him. I know if he had his soul that he would love me. So this is the closest to love a soulless vampire can feel. Need. And he is inside my veins. Because that's as close as he can get. Leaving bruises in his wake.

_If I can choose... it's only you._


End file.
